About Me

I am a proud wife and mother, and a born again Christian. I work from home as a writer while taking care of Miss N, our six-year-old, Miss M, our four-year-old and Miss C, our newest bundle of joy. Life is crazy but so much fun!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

On Mommyhood and Teasing

"Mom, I'm not going to tell you who I played with today."

My mommy radar goes up.

"Oh really? Was it someone younger than you?"

"Nope, it wasn't a girl at all."

"Oh, was it a boy then?"


Then comes a story of innocent teasing as is common with most children. It's nothing major. But it hurts.

As she sits there, shoulders heaving with the effort of unloading, my mind races back.

I'm in sixth grade. We're in line for the restroom. He stands a few people behind me in the boys' line. The cool guy. The cute one.

"Nicole has a little horse, little horse, little horse. Nicole has a little horse, and oh she loves it so." He sings.

Innocent? Maybe, but it was done in jest and it stung. I shrunk a little inside myself to keep from crying. I wanted to hide. The teacher didn't notice. I felt ashamed by my love for horses.

"I just don't get it. I mean, I can play with boys and it doesn't mean I love them."

I'm sitting in fourth grade, a knot in my stomach. She's going to beat me up she said. Tomorrow. Before school. The principal said he can do nothing if it happens outside of the school building. What can I do?

She pushes me. She steps on my foot and pushes hard. "Fight, fight, fight" they all holler. I stand there, not sure what to do. Turn the other cheek. Don't hit back.

 My dad. My wonderful dad, comes across the parking lot. My hero. He rescues me.

"What happens if you ask her to stop?"

"She stops, for that day, I guess"

"If you have fun playing with boys, then play! Don't let what someone else says change who you are."

The conversation is over, but not my flashbacks.

I'm in the classroom where we changed after gym class. All the girls are looking at a notebook. She had written "most likely to succeed, most likely to get married, etc.," I look for my name. There it was.

"Most nerdy."

This was before the term "nerd" was cool. Hot, wet tears sting my eyes. I won't let them see me cry. It's too late. The tears are falling.

She sees me.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see that."

We head to class, tears streaming. Can't stop. The teacher notices. Quietly, she sets a box of tissues on my desk and continues with her lesson. No one knows how deeply I am hurt. No one realizes those words will live with me for years.

I'm a mom now. I have three (three!) little girls in my care. Sensitive souls who take every word to heart.

I want to raise them to be tough. I want to raise girls who can ignore the teasing.

I don't know how.

I want them to realize their worth comes from within, from a family who loves them and a Savior who died for them. They are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I don't know how. I never learned, and I had the best, most supportive parents on earth.

When I hear these stories. I want to protect them. I want to make the teasing stop. It's part of life, I know, but it's something I wish in my deepest heart I could protect them from.

Yet, kids are cruel. And kids sometimes don't mean to be cruel but things are taken the wrong way.

This mommy gig? It's a hard one.

I pray I can teach them not to perpetuate the teasing and to love being different.

I pray I can show them their true worth, which comes from more than what others think of them.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Miss M (Has Been for a While) Is Five!

Five and a half years ago, God blessed us with this 10 lb. 4 oz bundle of energy.
Miss M, one day old
Miss M, one year old

Miss M, two years old

Miss M, three years old.

Miss M, four years old

Miss M, Age 5

In the midst of moving, first birthday parties and rental house prep, I just realized that I never did Miss M's fifth-birthday post. So here's to you Miss M, my big 5 (and a half) year old.

At age 5, Miss M has conquered quite a few fears. She's getting more and more comfortable swimming, has conquered the fear of "real school" and even dealt with her first bully. That was an experience, let me tell you!

This year, my sweet M has changed into one of the sweetest, most thoughtful children I know. While she has her moments, as any child does, I can count on her to be thinking in a sensitive way. She tears up when Pluto gets yelled at by Mickey Mouse on the TV, and worries about her family all the time because she loves them. This sweet child will constantly buy soething at the school store with her behavior dollars for her big sister, not herself. Hse is my snuggler, and is constantly saying "can we snuggle?"

This year M learned:

  • How to read
  • How to wash her hair
  • How to make bracelets
  • How to stand up for herself
  • How to do gymnastics, jumping into level 2 with just one session
  • How to fin and glide in the pool

One of my favorite stories from this year happened when Miss M came home from school one day. She had a picture of a girl wit hstraight hair and a girl with curly hair. I asked her if this was her friend A who has curly hair, and she said "No. Because of the hearts. It's me and you, mommy, because I love you. I don't love with hugs and kisses my friends, just my mom."

I love you too sweet girl!

Dear Miss M

Wow, you are five years old! I can't believe that my bouncing 10 pound baby is now a smart, silly and sassy five-year old.

Miss M, you are one of the sweetest little girls I know. Your sensitive heart makes you fearful of many things, yet it also gives you the ability to look out for others. You want your friends and sisters to be happy just as much as you want yourself to be happy.

Rarely does a day go by that I don't get a sweet picture you drew. Now that you are learning how to read, you often include a note as well. Don't worry, M, Mommy loves you too, and I always will, even when you get too big to draw sweet pictures for me.

Rarely does a day go by that you don't make me laugh out loud. You are a true joy to my heart. I am so thankful for you baby girl! I am so thankful for your snuggles, your laugh and your silliness. Being five is pretty fun, isn't it?

As you push towards six years old, I pray that you will retain your sweet spirit. Don't let anyone take that away from you, precious girl.

So happy birthday, my sweet M, even if it is a bit late. I love you more than words can say, and I'm so happy to be your momma!