Decisions Decisions

For the past two years, my girls have gone to Mom's Day Out, giving me a couple of mornings I can work without kids in the house. We love the program and couldn't beat the price. Miss N stopped now because she is in preschool, but Miss M loves it.

Well, now I have a dilemma.

They are raising the price by 50%.

It's only like a dollar cheaper per day than preschool.

So now, I must decide, would it be better to put Miss M in preschool next year when she's (gasp) three, or continue going to MDO for another year like I did for Miss N.

When Miss N was M's age, I was NOT ready for her to go to "school." Now, I depend on that work time desperately. I feel much differently.

Preschool has to be three days per week, so that is a negative (MDO is as may days as you want per month, up to two days per week).

MDO will be utilized in the summer when they can't go to preschool, unless I decide to do daycare, but I doubt I would do daycare at their school since it's all day and they need to nap.

Having them at the same school would cut down on driving and transportation time - it would also allow me to start working earlier in the day, giving me another virtual hour of work time.

Yet, I have this sense of dedication to the wonderful ladies at MDO. I was really hoping baby #3 would be along before I pulled anyone out of MDO. Since they already knew us and had a small group, Miss M was able to start going before she turned one, which was a huge blessing for me! Well, not sure when/if baby #3 will happen, so that's out of the picture for now.

What to do, what to do.

Good thing I have 6 months or so to decide, right?

Obeying when Tired

My children require a lot of sleep. I have tried letting them go days with less sleep, and it is not pretty. For some reason they won’t sleep past 6:30 or 7, so staying up late is not compensated for in the morning. Likewise, our family’s schedule does not allow for bedtime any earlier than seven, unless someone is ill, so naps or at least quiet rest time are also a necessity for them to get sufficient rest, even though I have one child who is nearing the age of five. Incidentally, I am told regularly that she is too old to nap, but when I am tucking her in at nap time, she is usually rubbing her eyes and falling asleep while I sing to her. She still needs a nap.

One thing I have been thinking about as a parent is behavior and tiredness. For example, on Sunday afternoons, by the time we are home from church and lunch, my children are extremely tired. The drive home is typically torture, and getting through stories and songs and getting tucked in brings many instances of sassiness, crying, and downright disrespect.

Any other time of the day we do not tolerate this behavior, but I find myself excusing it when they are tired. Then, when I excuse it, I find it creeping into other times of the day when they are not tired. So, I am left wondering, what is a person to do when trying to parent biblically?

I see in the Bible that we are not given a verse that says, “Obey and honor the Lord at all times, except when you are tired.” As a mature Christian, I am to obey God, even when I don’t feel well or am tired. Ultimately I am teaching my children to obey their earthly authorities so they will learn to obey their God someday. But, at the same time, they are little, and they are tired. I know I struggle with my reactions and attitude when I am tired.

For now, I am still thinking on it. Outright disrespect or disobedience I am dealing with, but some of the sassiness I have been letting slide. I am also going to work on modeling proper behavior. With all that has happened in the last month and my own less-than-ideal emotional state some days, I haven’t been modeling good responses to my children, and that is wrong on my part. So, modeling proper responses to others, even when tired, and nipping disrespect and pure disobedience in the bud are my two goals for now. Hopefully after Christmas when our lives get back to our own crazy version of “normal,” I can spend a bit more time thinking about this and discussing it with Tim.

Sometimes I Wonder

If I am normal?

Ok, I know the real answer to that, and what is normal anyways?

Two weeks ago I was wallowing in grief, sadness, and, in a way, self-pity.

Today I am fine.

Of course, my hormone levels are leveling off, and the drug is out of my system. That makes a big difference.

But still.

Shouldn't I still be sad? Shouldn't I still be grieving?

I remember when I had my first loss, I hardly grieved at all. And I felt guilty.

And I feel guilty right now too.

Of course, it's not totally back to normal. I have two friends on Facebook who are in early pregnancy, about where I should have been or a little past. When they post updates, I can't comment. When my photographer posted a contest for moms expecting in 2011, I had a hard time holding back because it hurt. I SHOULD have been able to join that contest. I SHOULD have been able to commiserate with my expectant mommy friends. If you are one of my expectant fb friends, please know that I am as happy as I can be for you. I just can't post on your ultrasound pics and your status updates, because it just hurts. I have a feeling I will think twice before posting said updates after what I have been through if we are able to have another pregnancy. I will probably still post them, but I will think twice. :)

I also have to almost physically force myself not to think too much about it. I still have questions, and they probably will never have answers. So it's still on my mind.

But in general, I am fine. Life has moved on. It never stops, does it? I'm already thinking ahead to "next time" with some good news from my doctor (that she's never had two ectopics in a row in any patient). Other than being extremely tired, I am my normal, frazzled, too-much-on-the-plate self.

And in the back of my mind I wonder if that's OK? Does that mean I didn't love my baby fully? Does that mean I shouldn't have had him?

Sometimes, being analytical in nature is torture.

(N's first christmas program ever post to follow when I find the time).

Honest Questions for Santa Families

So, we have chosen not to "do Santa" in our family. We don't have any moral problems with Santa, nor do we feel "better" than those who do Santa, nor do we feel that those who do Santa are wrong and bad. We just have chosen not to "do Santa" for our family, and it works for us.

But I am curious about a few things, and I haven't found a way to ask them without sounding judgmental to my friends who do "do Santa."

If presents are coming from Santa, how do you handle the massive requests? You know, the little one who wants, say, a pony for Chistmas. Or maybe something more reasonable but still out of the budget, like an American Girl Doll? What happens when Santa disappoints?

The next question is this: If Santa loves all kids equally, how do you explain why some kids don't get any gifts? Is that something your kids just don't notice? What if your kids are the ones who don't get anything becuase, say, your husband was laid off and there is no money this year? How do you explain the inequality when your kids go to school and their friend got the xBox and your kid got a new remote controlled car, although he did put the xBox on his list? Why did Santa choose the $20 toy for him and gave the other kid the $100 gaming system?

If you read this and do "do Santa," can you please chime in? I am simply curious, as I have thought of these questions before and wondered what the answer would be. Thanks for giving me some insight!