Firsts - First Months of Marriage

Tim and I were married on June 27, 2003, a month and a half after my graduation from college. We spent a week in Colorado for our honeymoon, and then rushed home to Illinois for his grandfather’s funeral. His grandfather passed away while we were returning from our honeymoon. I returned to an apartment jam packed with boxes containing all of our earthly belongings, and no time at all to unpack any of it because of all of the family responsibilities surrounding the funeral. I distinctly remember sobbing as I had a can of soup to open because I was not feeling well, but I had no clue where in that mass of boxes I would find a can opener. As a young wife, I wasn’t sure what my husband, who truthfully I didn’t know all that well after dating long distance, needed while he grieved.

As newlyweds, we were happy. However, I was miserably lonely. Janna was halfway across the world, and Melody was still in college. We didn’t have cable, I hadn’t discovered facebook and blogging, if they even existed, and we only had slow dial up Internet. Our small apartment only took so long to clean, and I didn’t have a job. The church my husband grew up in was big enough, but everyone had their groups, and I never really fit. There weren’t young couples to hang out with, and we tried to go do things with the singles and college kids but it was obvious we were not welcome. I can’t remember a time in my life when I was that lonely.

I poured myself into cooking for my husband and setting up a home. I got movies from the library to fill those endless hours while he was at work, and I started looking for a job.

Truthfully, it was only two months before I was working again and the loneliness wasn’t so intense, but those were a long two months.

I realized quickly just how different my husband and I are. We are polar opposites. He would (and does) watch sports all night long, and while I taught myself to like baseball and the Cubs for him, I could really care less about sports. I LOVE sci-fi movies and TV shows, specifically the Stargate series, but he cannot stomach them. We had to negotiate over the TV and the computer, which we only had one of when we were first married.

I distinctly remember one night when our differences came to a head. We went to the county fair with his parents, and I was so excited about riding rides. I love amusement parks and grew up with a large one in my town that we always got season tickets to. Tim, on the other hand, cannot stomach rides, as they make him sick. He, however, loves tractor pulls, something I cannot stomach due to the smell of body odor and diesel fuel.

I just wanted to do something with my husband. I went to the tractor pull and read a book, just so I could spend time with him and try to appreciate what he appreciated. I enjoyed my book, but not the nasty smelling man next to me. On the way out, I begged him to ride a ride with me. I chose one that seemed simple and non-scary. It wasn’t a scary ride, but it did spin in circles, and it made him sick with vertigo. He didn’t talk to me the whole way home, and I choked back tears because his parents were in the car.

That night I sobbed. I couldn’t imagine how we would make a marriage work with such different personalities. While I was in love with and committed to my husband, I wasn’t sure how we would make it work.

The next day I called my mom. I am so thankful for her reminder. My dad and mom are completely in love and have always seemed stable to me, except for a brief time when I was very young. They were not Christians nor grounded in any way when they met and married as teens, yet they have had an amazingly beautiful relationship. She reminded me that my dad and my mom are complete opposites. Sometimes they even spend their entire evenings on opposite sides of the house, dad upstairs watching sci-fi bug movies, and mom downstairs in the basement scrapbooking.

It took us a while, Tim and I, to find our groove, but I am so thankful to say that we are making it work and are still as in love as we were the day we were wed, even after two kids, two dogs, and a mortgage. Oh, we have our differences, and he still won’t watch sci-fi with me, nor will I watch football with him, but we have learned to appreciate and love each other for who we are. We still don’t have a lot “in common,” but we compromise, enjoy our little family, and pour ourselves into our new church together.