Today

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Today, my baby is on my mind.

Maybe it's because we haven't moved on in the way of successfully having another on the way.

Maybe it's because so many of my friends are preparing to welcome their June or July babies.

Perhaps it's the slew of ultrasounds on Facebook lately.

It could be from the large number of pregnant women I saw at the waterpark.

It could also be the newborns I had the chance to hold a couple of weeks ago.

I'm not sure the reason. I just know that I was due around the beginning of July. And that date is fast approaching. And deep down inside, I am still sad.

Does the sad ever go away?

I am praying that my arms, or at least my belly, are filled with a new babe before the November anniversary rolls around. . . Is that wrong? And what if God says no?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Nicole, I promise the sadness goes away, especially if you love and trust the Lord. I have had 4 miscarriages and I hated it when people would say "I'm sorry" because it would only make me feel worse, like I had done something wrong. So, yes, the sadness goes, but the memory does not. We as moms do not forget that we once carried that child, no matter how short the time. We never stop wondering if the baby was a boy or girl, who that child would have looked liked. Through the wondering though, we receive a sense of peace just knowing that though that child may never be in our arms, he or she is definitely in the arms of our Heavenly Father. Be blessed and know you are not alone.
June 8, 2011 at 2:49 PM
Mysti Reutlinger said…
I understand your loss very well. Time does make the pain easier, though we never forget. I'm thinking about you today.
June 8, 2011 at 4:07 PM
Samantha Bangayan said…
I'm so sorry for your loss, Nicole. My good friend is a grief coach and you might find some solace in her blog posts (esdeer.com). I know I did during some hard times in my life. Warm hugs!
June 8, 2011 at 5:10 PM
Dayle said…
I have no words that can really help . . . but I offer my thoughts and prayers to you. ::Hugs::
June 9, 2011 at 2:32 AM
Michelle said…
Putting grief aside at some point may need to be a deliberate action. King David said "Why are you cast down, o my soul? Hope thou in God." Sometimes you have to simply say, I'm sad, but I'm going to put the grief aside in order to live the life that God HAS given me.

Contentment is something you learn and grow into, but it's not passive.

Praying for you!
June 13, 2011 at 12:04 PM
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