We just enrolled Natalie in preschool.
I’m very happy with the school we chose. It is about five minutes from our house, uses the curriculum I would use if I had to choose, and I know one of the k4 teachers from my time teaching. It’s a newer school so it doesn’t have a tremendous amount of unnecessary rules from 30 years ago that are still in the handbook. It’s also quite affordable as Christian schools go.
But I feel funny about it.
Oh, preschool is going to be fine. It’s only half days, three days a week. And Kindergarten will probably be fine too. Those are only half days.
But when my kiddos are in school from 8 until 3, I’m going to feel like I hardly ever see them.
Yes, most moms feel this way, I know that.
I’m a certified teacher.
I have all of the qualifications necessary to teach my children at home, and to feel somewhat confident in my ability to do so.
I have smart kids too – Natalie is already picking words and telling me what they start with. She can get just about any consonant right. I haven’t even tried to work on that with her. She just figured it out on her own. If I sat down and tried I could probably teach her to read. What if they get “held back” by being in a traditional school? What about the “mean kids” that will hurt their spirits? I was a victim of those “mean kids,” and my Natalie is so sensitive. I’m not ready to see her heart broken. I’m scared for her.
I have always said I have no desire to home school. I want the school experience for my kids. Also, this mommy may not have the patience to be a homeschooling mommy. I know that.
But I’m going to miss them.
And sometimes I have doubts that we are doing the right thing.
I like the flexibility we have now with no one in school. We can make the last-minute decision to go to the children’s museum or park and no one cares.
The logistics of homeschooling seem impossible. I must work, and when would I work if I also had to cram schooling into my day? As it is I cannot accomplish everything I should be accomplishing (housework, grocery shopping, cooking, working, mothering, wife-ing, laundry, laundry, laundry.) Oh and we want to have more children. How do you homeschool and run a home-based business with the demands of a nursing infant while keeping up with your home? I don’t think I can realistically do a good job of homeschooling AND continue my work.
So in September Natalie will go to preschool. She will love it. I will miss her.
Anyone else have these feelings?
Mercy: Help When We Are Weak
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