I'm Not Ready!

We just enrolled Natalie in preschool.

I’m very happy with the school we chose. It is about five minutes from our house, uses the curriculum I would use if I had to choose, and I know one of the k4 teachers from my time teaching. It’s a newer school so it doesn’t have a tremendous amount of unnecessary rules from 30 years ago that are still in the handbook. It’s also quite affordable as Christian schools go.

But I feel funny about it.

Oh, preschool is going to be fine. It’s only half days, three days a week. And Kindergarten will probably be fine too. Those are only half days.

But when my kiddos are in school from 8 until 3, I’m going to feel like I hardly ever see them.

Yes, most moms feel this way, I know that.

But.

I’m a certified teacher.

I have all of the qualifications necessary to teach my children at home, and to feel somewhat confident in my ability to do so.

I have smart kids too – Natalie is already picking words and telling me what they start with. She can get just about any consonant right. I haven’t even tried to work on that with her. She just figured it out on her own. If I sat down and tried I could probably teach her to read. What if they get “held back” by being in a traditional school? What about the “mean kids” that will hurt their spirits? I was a victim of those “mean kids,” and my Natalie is so sensitive. I’m not ready to see her heart broken. I’m scared for her.

I have always said I have no desire to home school. I want the school experience for my kids. Also, this mommy may not have the patience to be a homeschooling mommy. I know that.

But I’m going to miss them.

And sometimes I have doubts that we are doing the right thing.

I like the flexibility we have now with no one in school. We can make the last-minute decision to go to the children’s museum or park and no one cares.

The logistics of homeschooling seem impossible. I must work, and when would I work if I also had to cram schooling into my day? As it is I cannot accomplish everything I should be accomplishing (housework, grocery shopping, cooking, working, mothering, wife-ing, laundry, laundry, laundry.) Oh and we want to have more children. How do you homeschool and run a home-based business with the demands of a nursing infant while keeping up with your home? I don’t think I can realistically do a good job of homeschooling AND continue my work.

So in September Natalie will go to preschool. She will love it. I will miss her.

Anyone else have these feelings?

Comments

Betsy said…
This sounds just like my post about starting Kate in school. The year is almost done and I still miss her! But she loves it! I didn't have these feelings about starting our oldest, Drew, but I did with my daughter. We mama's are sensitive too, but we'll be okay! :)
mohoelx said…
You ask "Anyone else have these feelings?" ... yes. Not exactly the same (I am not a trained teacher, nor am I a mother), but I think just about every parent has a measure of anxiety when children venture out. It will happen again when they get a drivers license, go to college, and get married.... ;)
Janna said…
I don't have too many feeling about school yet but other area I waffle all the time. Immunizations worry me but at the same time I'm not ready to say no to them.

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