About Me

I am a proud wife and mother, and a born again Christian. I work from home as a writer while taking care of Miss N, our six-year-old, Miss M, our four-year-old and Miss C, our newest bundle of joy. Life is crazy but so much fun!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I'm Not Ready!

We just enrolled Natalie in preschool.

I’m very happy with the school we chose. It is about five minutes from our house, uses the curriculum I would use if I had to choose, and I know one of the k4 teachers from my time teaching. It’s a newer school so it doesn’t have a tremendous amount of unnecessary rules from 30 years ago that are still in the handbook. It’s also quite affordable as Christian schools go.

But I feel funny about it.

Oh, preschool is going to be fine. It’s only half days, three days a week. And Kindergarten will probably be fine too. Those are only half days.

But when my kiddos are in school from 8 until 3, I’m going to feel like I hardly ever see them.

Yes, most moms feel this way, I know that.

But.

I’m a certified teacher.

I have all of the qualifications necessary to teach my children at home, and to feel somewhat confident in my ability to do so.

I have smart kids too – Natalie is already picking words and telling me what they start with. She can get just about any consonant right. I haven’t even tried to work on that with her. She just figured it out on her own. If I sat down and tried I could probably teach her to read. What if they get “held back” by being in a traditional school? What about the “mean kids” that will hurt their spirits? I was a victim of those “mean kids,” and my Natalie is so sensitive. I’m not ready to see her heart broken. I’m scared for her.

I have always said I have no desire to home school. I want the school experience for my kids. Also, this mommy may not have the patience to be a homeschooling mommy. I know that.

But I’m going to miss them.

And sometimes I have doubts that we are doing the right thing.

I like the flexibility we have now with no one in school. We can make the last-minute decision to go to the children’s museum or park and no one cares.

The logistics of homeschooling seem impossible. I must work, and when would I work if I also had to cram schooling into my day? As it is I cannot accomplish everything I should be accomplishing (housework, grocery shopping, cooking, working, mothering, wife-ing, laundry, laundry, laundry.) Oh and we want to have more children. How do you homeschool and run a home-based business with the demands of a nursing infant while keeping up with your home? I don’t think I can realistically do a good job of homeschooling AND continue my work.

So in September Natalie will go to preschool. She will love it. I will miss her.

Anyone else have these feelings?

3 comments:

Betsy said...

This sounds just like my post about starting Kate in school. The year is almost done and I still miss her! But she loves it! I didn't have these feelings about starting our oldest, Drew, but I did with my daughter. We mama's are sensitive too, but we'll be okay! :)

mohoelx said...

You ask "Anyone else have these feelings?" ... yes. Not exactly the same (I am not a trained teacher, nor am I a mother), but I think just about every parent has a measure of anxiety when children venture out. It will happen again when they get a drivers license, go to college, and get married.... ;)

Janna said...

I don't have too many feeling about school yet but other area I waffle all the time. Immunizations worry me but at the same time I'm not ready to say no to them.