So, this blood pressure thing - it is making me crazy!
The medicine seems to be working at a higher dose. When I take it, after a while I start getting readings of 118/72. Those are good readings.
But, and here's the real kicker, it seems to wear off before it is time to take it again. I take it first thing in the morning and first thing before bed. In the morning, my readings are high right after I get up. How can sleeping make your blood pressure go up? I have gotten some readings over 140 and over 100. Those are high.
Then, again, in the evening before I take it it is high again. I am sure it goes down after I take the medicine, but i am sleeping.
If I sit and do nothing except work it goes lower, but the minute I get up to move it spikes. I know these spikes are not good for me or baby, but I can't live my life sitting on my tushy with two little ones relying one me.
All of this does not bode well for staying off of bed rest. Tim and I talked about our options if that happens to have the kids cared for, and I can honestly say I am not a fan of most of them. They will be expensive, right at a time when work is dropping significantly for me. Oh yeah, that situation is not helping my blood pressure one bit!
Wednesday I reach 20 weeks. That is when I can have an "official" diagnosis of pre-eclampsia. Oh, how I pray that does not happen. How would you do the NICU thing with two kids and a business to run? The kids can't go with you to the hospital (kids are too germy to be around NICU babies). But, I don't even want to think like that until I reach viability.
Last night I dreamed that hey took the baby. The baby was in the NICU at just 18 weeks gestation. They said they had some miracle device that would keep the baby alive until viability, when they would go into the traditional NICU. In this dream I still did not know the gender of our baby. The nurse said, "It's a boy so we named him Henry." Then looked at her chart and said, "Wait, no it's a girl so we named her Megan." That is what the NICU does - it takes away your ability to be the parent to your child. Of course, not the ability to name your child, but it was just a dream. While I am thankful for the NICU and Miss N's health, I want to avoid going there again at all costs. Yet, bed rest with kids at home - how do you manage.
My sister in law said, "They will just have to learn to be more independent." But I have two, who fight, and one who is too little to perform even some basic hygiene on her own. I do not see how I could take care of them, even poorly, with my butt glued to the couch. We would have to have help, and help is something we cannot afford. I think unless you have been on complete bed rest, it is nearly impossible to understand just what that means. I have, but it was before I had any born children (N was tucked away inside).
Yes, I am worried about this. Yes, I know that whatever God has in store is best, but I am still worried. I already lost one baby in the past year and a half. Losing this one is something I cannot even fathom. High blood pressure puts a lot of risk on the baby, including placenta failure and cut toff of blood flow to the baby, so it is a serious thing. At least one risk, slow growth, is not something I am too worried about - as big as my babies tend to be it would be just fine for this one to grow a little slowly (said in jest of course).
I am waiting for the high risk unit at the hospital to call and schedule me. It has taken forever for the insurance approval and the regular doctor to get my information over there. Tim will go with me to that appointment, so we should get some answers, I hope! If you took the time to read all of this, please pray they call soon! I just want to know what the plan is and that my baby is OK. I don't think I can take more meds since it does come down so nicely, but maybe I can spread out the dosing a little differently to avoid these spikes. But I am no doctor so I cannot make these changes until I talk to one.
Mercy: Help When We Are Weak
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