So, if you read my last update post, then you know that i have been put on modified bed rest, if you will. Basically, I am supposed to sit as much as possible, no grocery shopping, chores, etc. I can still leave the house, if need be, to go to church or pick up the kids from school, but that's it.
This is hard.
I am not tallented enough to parent from the couch. My kids are not yet self sufficient enough to get much of what they need for themselves. So, this arrangement has forced me to find care options for them.
And one of them is having a VERY hard time with it all.
Yesterday, I had to go in to the hospital because I had a very high spike in BP. My in-laws came and got the girls and took them to church, and I was explaining what was happening. Miss M, my younger one, started sobbing. She just wants mommy. She just wants her normal routine. I buckled in my baby sobbing her head off, you know, the big chocking sobs. It was so hard.
Then, this morning I was explaining the plan for the week. Unless my doctor decides 37 weeks is fine and we have a baby this week, my parents are coming this weekend just so that we can have some sanity and a bit of our normal routine back. But, until then, we decided the best option was to send the kids to school full day. I can pick them up around 4 and then I will only have an hour that I will need to tend to everything without Tim. Since I am not on full bed rest, this should be OK.We have people willing to babysit, but this seems to be the closest to the normal routine, and saves quite a bit of driving time since most of the people who have volunteered live by our church, which sadly we are not close to.
So, I was explaining what the plan would be for the week. Miss N was so excited. She has been dreaming about staying at school all day, like it is some sort of rare privilege. Miss M melted into a puddle of tears.
"But, I just want to be wif you mommy."
Now, how on earth am I supposed to respond to that? She's three. Yes, she needs to "buck up" or whatever, but she's three. It broke my heart into tiny pieces. I tried to explain it would just be for a couple of days and then grandma and grandpa would be here and it would all be back to normal. She spent most of the morning clinging to my leg and sobbing.
I am ready to be done with this pregnancy and be back to being a mommy!
Now, even writing all of this, I realize that many people have it much worse. I have one friend working on her sixth month of bed rest, and a newly adopted four-year-old at home. I have others who cannot have babies. I have others who are dealing with preemies and all that comes from that. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am thankful. I am thankful that we are in the safe zone, that really my pregnancy has not been dangerous in spite of the complications and the "could haves," and I am thankful that the bed rest is working.
But when your baby is crying because she wants you, it still makes your heart ache.
Soon, sweet child, life will be back to our crazy version of normal. Soon.
Mercy: Help When We Are Weak
1 week ago