About Me

I am a proud wife and mother, and a born again Christian. I work from home as a writer while taking care of Miss N, our six-year-old, Miss M, our four-year-old and Miss C, our newest bundle of joy. Life is crazy but so much fun!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Overwhelmed

Psalm 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

I know I'm not the only mom to ever feel this way.

But sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

The pressure to be perfect is tremendous. For example, today I read an article about how sunscreen probably causes cancer, but not putting on sunscreen also causes cancer, so then what is a mom supposed to do?

I have a very successful home-based business. No one ever told me that running a home-based business meant your home would be a disaster and you would be constantly tired.

In an effort to rid myself of unwanted pounds and get myself in better physical shape, I've taken up running. I love it. But it's yet another thing on my "to do" list.

This morning I read my friend Janna's blog post entitled Then Things to Remember During Responsibility Overload.

Her list is great. The last one got me thinking, though. How do you take out a rock when all of your "rocks" are necessary?

My "rocks" are:


  • Bible reading/prayer
  • Child care/nurturing/training
  • Caring for my wonderful hubby
  • Cooking, grocery shopping, couponing (so I can afford to do the shopping)
  • Cleaning and maintaining my home (failing)
  • Working my job (done during school mornings, at nap time, after bedtime)
  • Paying the bills/creating the budget (failing at this one horribly)
  • Being somewhat active in church (I feel I should do more but there's just no time!)
  • Staying physically fit through regular exercise. (done at home - no time to go to the gym, but this is an important priority right now for my level of physical fitness and health)

While in KC, my mom, the girls and I were all playing outside. My brother came out for a minute then went back in to "finish my work" (he was writing a song). Being behind on my paying work for the day and looking at a midnight bedtime, I sighed and said, "When do I get to finish my work." My mom lovingly pointed to the girls and said, "This IS your work." She was right. But so is the other work. It's so overwhelming!

I've been told to prioritize, but how? These rocks are all necessary. You can't prioritize paying your bills over spending time with your family. Both need to happen. Sure, the house cleaning isn't as important, but as the mom of girls I feel a responsibility to teach them to be tidy. Not only that, but dirt and germs need to be cleaned.

What do I do for "fun"? Not much, really. I exercise while watching TV, so that is my "down" time. Once a month I try to scrapbook. I spend a lot of time online between work projects, so I guess that's something I could take out. I've cut down tremendously on the blogs I read. I rarely comment, do not engage in "forum discussions," and only click over to facebook between assignments to clear my mind from one project to another.

So what can give? My spiritual walk suffers because by the time I stop working and crawl into bed for quiet time, I'm so tired I can hardly think straight. Tried getting up earlier in the AM and then the baby just woke with me. Like Janna's post says, when you are tired, you are spiritually vulnerable, but what choice do I have? I stop working nightly around 10, shower, read, pray, and go to bed between 11-12. The kids are up between 6-7. I LIVE tired.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Probably should use the time to do something profitable, like, oh, unpack my living room full of luggage. But something has to give. I'm just not sure what. Any suggestions?

Right now, I simply feel like a failure. A very tired failure. Time to meditate on Psalm 61:2 again.

5 comments:

jenmom said...

Thank you, thank you , thank YOU for sharing that verse and being so transparent with your struggles!!! I can so relate to what you shared right now! The term failure has seemed to apply to myself as well lately! I feel like I get it all wrong much of the time!
BTW, I'd love to hear more about your home based business! Email me if you wish.
Jennifer

Christie James said...

I get looked down on a lot because I am not a good housekeeper, so I can relate to your feeling like a failure. But one reason for that is that I have four kids I keep up with! One person told me one way to get some things done and spend time with your kids is to have them help you do a job. N can help you wash windows and collect dirty laundry. You probably already have her help you, and her "help" probably is more trouble than it's worth, but there are some things she can do that actually help. ;-)

Also, see if some things can be done by a friend every now and then. You've let us know you need help, so hopefully someone nearby will be able to give you a hand with one of those "rocks". If I were there, I'd offer to pay your bills for you (with your money, of course. LOL) or something like that.

It may help to do the most important things first in the day, like time with God and time with kids. A schedule may also help.

C. James said...

p.s. my mom never had us put on sunscreen because "anything strong enough to block the sun CAN'T be good for your skin!". God made the sun, not sunscreen, so I tend to worry less about the sun causing cancer than the suncreen. My kids tan little by little in the spring, so in the summer they don't burn. That seems to help with not using sunscreen.

laugavitz said...

I agree with everything that you have posted, but I remind myself the the littles will not be little forever so try to not stress and just enjoy, someday you will wonder why you have so much time on your hands :)

Janna said...

I'm glad I found this post! I certainly don't have it figured out. I just listed the pep talk I give myself when I feel like you do.

Someone asked me recently what my least fav. thing about homekeeping was and I said "that I can't be perfect at everything."

Oh and you did sign up for the 5K right?