I know I'm not the only mom to ever feel this way.
But sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
The pressure to be perfect is tremendous. For example, today I read an article about how sunscreen probably causes cancer, but not putting on sunscreen also causes cancer, so then what is a mom supposed to do?
I have a very successful home-based business. No one ever told me that running a home-based business meant your home would be a disaster and you would be constantly tired.
In an effort to rid myself of unwanted pounds and get myself in better physical shape, I've taken up running. I love it. But it's yet another thing on my "to do" list.
This morning I read my friend Janna's blog post entitled Then Things to Remember During Responsibility Overload.
Her list is great. The last one got me thinking, though. How do you take out a rock when all of your "rocks" are necessary?
My "rocks" are:
- Bible reading/prayer
- Child care/nurturing/training
- Caring for my wonderful hubby
- Cooking, grocery shopping, couponing (so I can afford to do the shopping)
- Cleaning and maintaining my home (failing)
- Working my job (done during school mornings, at nap time, after bedtime)
- Paying the bills/creating the budget (failing at this one horribly)
- Being somewhat active in church (I feel I should do more but there's just no time!)
- Staying physically fit through regular exercise. (done at home - no time to go to the gym, but this is an important priority right now for my level of physical fitness and health)
While in KC, my mom, the girls and I were all playing outside. My brother came out for a minute then went back in to "finish my work" (he was writing a song). Being behind on my paying work for the day and looking at a midnight bedtime, I sighed and said, "When do I get to finish my work." My mom lovingly pointed to the girls and said, "This IS your work." She was right. But so is the other work. It's so overwhelming!
I've been told to prioritize, but how? These rocks are all necessary. You can't prioritize paying your bills over spending time with your family. Both need to happen. Sure, the house cleaning isn't as important, but as the mom of girls I feel a responsibility to teach them to be tidy. Not only that, but dirt and germs need to be cleaned.
What do I do for "fun"? Not much, really. I exercise while watching TV, so that is my "down" time. Once a month I try to scrapbook. I spend a lot of time online between work projects, so I guess that's something I could take out. I've cut down tremendously on the blogs I read. I rarely comment, do not engage in "forum discussions," and only click over to facebook between assignments to clear my mind from one project to another.
So what can give? My spiritual walk suffers because by the time I stop working and crawl into bed for quiet time, I'm so tired I can hardly think straight. Tried getting up earlier in the AM and then the baby just woke with me. Like Janna's post says, when you are tired, you are spiritually vulnerable, but what choice do I have? I stop working nightly around 10, shower, read, pray, and go to bed between 11-12. The kids are up between 6-7. I LIVE tired.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. Probably should use the time to do something profitable, like, oh, unpack my living room full of luggage. But something has to give. I'm just not sure what. Any suggestions?
Right now, I simply feel like a failure. A very tired failure. Time to meditate on Psalm 61:2 again.