Thankful

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This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions, many negative. I lost my baby and could have lost my life. I have struggled to respond to my chlidren well, and the results of the chemotherapy shot made me literally crazy. But, I need to be thankful. There is so much to be thankful for:

  • I kept my checkup on Monday, even though I almost cancelled it since I was pregnant. If I hadn't gone to the checkup, I would not have found out about the ectopic until it burst and my life was in danger.
  • My little girl, sensing my emotional struggle yesterday, threw her arms around me and said, "I can tell you are having a tough morning, Mommy. I love you very much."
  • My friend had invited my children for a sleepover last month. The date - this past Friday. The day after the big day, when I was an emotional mess, my kids were at someone's home having fun and being loved on by someone who had the ability to do so.
  • A gal in my church has also had the medication they gave me, and she was able to help me know that I am not crazy. The drugs made me crazy but it won't last.
  • We hadn't told Miss N about the baby. So there was no need to explain about the baby. I think that would have been too much for her to understand.
  • My pastor's wife was able to help me on the darkest day last week.
  • My husband has been a rock for me through all of this. I am sure he doesn't understand my emotions, but he hasn't made me feel bad about them and has been there for me.
  • I didn't have any huge work deadlines looming this week, so I could take a few days off, and our finances are fine in spite of that.
  • My baby never suffered, and he or she is in heaven where I will see him again.

God is good, even in the midst of a very difficult time. I am thankful. I am also doing much better today and am able to approach life with joy and laughter again, even spending some time wrestling on the floor blowing raspberries on my little one's tummy.

Comments

Olivia said…
Oh, sweet mother, how hard to wait to hold your little one until heaven! It shows great strength of mind and heart that you can already write about it so thankfully. I am praying for you right now!
Thank you for linking up to the thankfulness linky over at Of Such is the Kingdom!
November 22, 2010 at 12:04 PM
Jamie said…
Oh, I'm so, so sorry... There are never the right words in a situation like this. I wish I knew what would make the pain go away.
I'm so impressed with the way you are seeking out thankfulness right now.
I'm praying for you...

(came over from Such is the Kingdom)
November 22, 2010 at 6:39 PM
Raise Them Up said…
What a tough week, indeed. But I feel blessed just to read about your decision to be thankful. May God continue to wrap his arms around you and give you a peace and joy that can only come from Him.

Hugs
November 24, 2010 at 5:14 PM
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