So, last night we were cleaning up, and afterwards the girls were wrestling downstairs. Miss N said, "Hang on, I need to get on the computer for a minute. I need to write 10 articles." She sat down at her computer and typed a bit then went back to playing.
At first I smiled. This is what mommy does, and she was mimicking mommy.
Then I worried (surprised?). Do I work too much? Was she saying that mommy is always working?
This balance is so hard. I want to be a good mom - the best mom. But i have to work. I try to work when they are sleeping and do not need me, but as they get older this is not always possible. Sometimes, I have to work while they self entertain. And, to be honest, I don't think that is bad. I don't remember my mom sitting on the floor playing with me constantly. I was playing with the neighbor girl, making mud pies outside, riding my bike, doing art. Since we don't have a neighbor girl to play with, my girls have each other. And that's OK.
But sometimes, the guilt that comes from being a work at home mom is hard to overcome. It's hard to separate the work from the family responsibilities. And I often am left to wonder if I am doing it right.
I am thinking ahead to summer. No school, an infant, and way less work time. Staying up later won't be an option with the lack of sleep. So, do I put them in daycare a few days a week? Bringing a babysitter here and going somewhere else to work won't really work with a nursing infant, and quite frankly I am not going to put a brand new baby in a daycare or babysitter situation. I need to be here to work and care for the baby. Putting them in daycare at their school is an option, but then we would not save any money on tuition through the summer.
So, that is what is on my mind. Guess it is time to think some things through.
Mercy: Help When We Are Weak
5 months ago