Harms Family News

Image from Flickr.com This past week, a Christian blogger passed away. I did not really follow her story too closely, nor did I know her, but my social media feeds have exploded with posts during her final weeks, including a post posted after her death to her readers. This woman had an intense impact on many people. Her words were beautiful. Her love for her family was deeply obvious. Two years ago today, a young woman I grew up connected to also died of cancer. She left behind five children and a loving husband. Not a blogger and less a public figure, although married to one, her life and death no less touched many, especially the joy with which she traveled through her final days. Her funeral was livestreamed and attended by hundreds. Sometimes when I hear of the impact and legacies left behind by women like that, I find myself comparing my life to theirs. Would I have rooms full of friends at my death bed? I doubt it. Would I have an audience full of people readi...

"Mom, I'm not going to tell you who I played with today." My mommy radar goes up. "Oh really? Was it someone younger than you?" "Nope, it wasn't a girl at all." "Oh, was it a boy then?" "Yeah," Then comes a story of innocent teasing as is common with most children. It's nothing major. But it hurts. As she sits there, shoulders heaving with the effort of unloading, my mind races back. I'm in sixth grade. We're in line for the restroom. He stands a few people behind me in the boys' line. The cool guy. The cute one. "Nicole has a little horse, little horse, little horse. Nicole has a little horse, and oh she loves it so." He sings. Innocent? Maybe, but it was done in jest and it stung. I shrunk a little inside myself to keep from crying. I wanted to hide. The teacher didn't notice. I felt ashamed by my love for horses. "I just don't get it. I mea...

Five and a half years ago, God blessed us with this 10 lb. 4 oz bundle of energy. Miss M, one day old Miss M, one year old Miss M, two years old Miss M, three years old. Miss M, four years old Miss M, Age 5 In the midst of moving, first birthday parties and rental house prep, I just realized that I never did Miss M's fifth-birthday post. So here's to you Miss M, my big 5 (and a half) year old. At age 5, Miss M has conquered quite a few fears. She's getting more and more comfortable swimming, has conquered the fear of "real school" and even dealt with her first bully. That was an experience, let me tell you! This year, my sweet M has changed into one of the sweetest, most thoughtful children I know. While she has her moments, as any child does, I can count on her to be thinking in a sensitive way. She tears up when Pluto gets yelled at by Mickey Mouse on the TV, and worries about her family all the time because she loves them. T...

I know there's probably no one left who reads this blog, but I want to say one thing to encourage those parenting a difficult child. It gets better. Shower them with love and be as consistent as you can, and it gets better. If you have been my Facebook friend for a few years, you may know that there was a very difficult period with one of my children when she was in the toddler and early preschool years. There were days I questioned my sanity. There were days I questioned (my mom can attest to this) whether or not I was fit to parent this child. I recall vividly sitting on the floor in the hallway on that nasty blue carpet in our old house crying because I didn't know what to do, while she sat on the other side of the wall screaming and throwing a tantrum I was sure would cause the neighbors to call the cops. I recall far too many times I lost my temper because I just didn't know what else to do. I was even told once that it didn't appear I loved this child ...

In the last four months, life has been a whirlwind. We found out in January-ish that moving into a larger home was very much a possibility. Thus began a scramble to find a home, move and find renters for our current home. I'm thrilled to say that God caused it all to line up perfectly, but in the midst of that all I realized I failed to do Miss N's seventh birthday post. This year in March my oldest daughter turned seven. She's making the transition from little girl to just "girl." I can't really call her little anymore, even though she is short in stature, and probably will be my shortest as they grow. Turning seven has brought a bit of maturity to my child. It's also caused a spunky, fun-loving side to really come out. She always has something to say, and always thinks her idea is the best. Often, I must admit it is, which is challenging as a parent who wants to teach modesty and the ability to not manipulate but to appreciate others. When...

I've been thinking about our schedule lately. It's really pretty crazy, and frankly, I am missing my big girl. My typical day is this: get up in the morning, feed the family, make lunches, send them out the door, work for three-ish hours, pick up Miss M, bring her home for an hour and a half, pick up Miss N, go to whatever after school activity we have, come home, homework, dinner, baths (if we are lucky) and bed so we can do it all again the next day. Somewhere in all that I need to find time to go to the grocery store, cook meals and care for a very busy baby, all while juggling my business as well. On days Miss M doesn't have school it's a bit less harried, but that will all change. Next year is kindergarten. I miss the days of preschool a few days a week, playdates and going to the mall just to play. We haven't been to the children's museum in ages. My mantra of late has been "There isn't time." We are over scheduled, but the pr...

Last night, I held baby girl a little tighter, snuggled her a little longer.  Miss C, Nine Months  It was only a brief second. I looked away from her to see her big sisters in the pool. She was carefully confined between me, the well-railed edge of the parent viewing balcony, and a bench behind us. After watching her sister perform a new feat in the water at swim lessons, I looked back down and she was gone. In the two minutes or less I had my eyes off her, she had crawled over the ledge of the bench and to the top of the full flight of cement stairs. By the time I screamed her name, leaped over the bench and got to her, her hand was out to start the tumble down the stairs. I scooped her up in my arms, heart racing at the thought of what almost happened, took her back to our spot and kept not only my eyes, but also my hands, on her the rest of the time. When it was time to leave, I shuddered when I saw the rail next to the stairs. The perfect height for h...

I sit here, fingers on the keyboard, researching antioxidants, oral cancer and toothpaste.   She always has a tummy ache, maybe she needs to go gluten free like my mom.   I just heard the big one cough again, maybe she’s getting pneumonia again. We went a whole year without it, I was hoping for longer.   She’s going under anesthetic, my baby. Are we doing the right thing? Is this cough really that important.   Type type, research research, yet my mind gets noisy again.   Am I giving them enough attention? I’ve been working a lot, and they are fighting a lot, maybe I am not doing this right.   Man, that election was killer. Will my kids know the freedom of carrying a Bible if they want? Should we buy a gun while we still can?   Focus. Type. Research.   Did I make enough this month? Christmas is coming, and Florida. Will we be good, or should I work a little more tonight? What if the work stops flo...

So, I wanted to put it down here even though it's already been on Facebook. Miss C has had this strange cough since she was born. At first, her pediatrician and I thought it was a cold because Miss M gave her a lovely kiss right on the lips the day I brought her home, and she had a cold at the time. But, week after week it never really went away, and she never really acted "sick." The cough sounds exactly like a croup cough. Most of the time if someone doesn't know her and hears her doing it, like at the grocery store, they tell me she's got croup. But, you cannot have croup for five months. Her pediatrician suggested that it was probably a floppy larynx and we should keep an eye on it unless it gets worse. Then, she started having a lot of stridor, which is this strange whistling type noise that is not wheezing and is quite loud. We joke that she sounds like a seal or a goose. Well, it did not get better, and if anything got worse. I called the doctor...

So, I have been bitten with a new dream. And I just can't get it out of my head. What is holding me back? My own insecurities. My own worries that I won't be "good enough." My own perfectionist fear that I might fail. But, I think, this time, I am not going to let it hold me back. Because I think, this time, it's time for a change, and this might just be it. So stay tuned. Something new is in the works. . . I think.

Four years (and one month) ago, God blessed us with this 10 lb. 4 oz bundle of energy. Miss M, one day old Miss M, one year old Miss M, two years old Miss M, three years old. Miss M, four years old On July 31, my middle child turned four. All of the commotion of the end of summer, getting her birthday party in, and then school starting and working like crazy have made me forget to do her birthday post. So, without further ado, here is a bit about Miss M. During her fourth year, she learned: Her letters and sounds How to whistle How to snap (these two are much to the displeasure of the bigger sister who cannot yet do them) How to face her fears of inflatable jumping houses and VBS Became a big sister, a roll she embraces with zeal Learned to pedal a bike Said a line in a school program, without tears! Miss M is a go getter. She knows what she wants, and she does not wait for permission or help to achieve ...

The weight of a tiny head, nestled against my chest. The miniature fist, clenching a portion of my shirt. The rhythmic breathing, interrupted by a faint flutter sucking on a pacifier. The soft, nearly invisible eyelashes, gently closing against deep blue eyes. These are the memories I wish I could burn into my mind, the feelings I wish I could memorize to warm my heart on cold, difficult days. If I could freeze time, it would be at this moment. For I know all too soon, your tiny feet will be pounding the floor, chasing after your big sisters. I know that before I am ready, your rosebud mouth, so quick to open into a wide smile at the sight of my face, will instead form questions that I do not have answers to. As I hold you and rock you to sleep, I feel that invisible force creeping into the room. Time. Time that is waiting to rob me of your fleeting infancy, as it did with your sisters. Time that is pushing you, willing you to grow, and all I can do is watch. Try as I m...

Wow, how time flies. It's already been two months with our precious C. I have told so many people that Miss C must know she is a third-born child, because she is the easiest baby ever. In fact, the few times she is fussy, I barely know what to do because it is so rare. Both big sisters are completely enamored with her. Miss N (6) told me yesterday "I wish C could stay a baby forever. She's the cutest baby ever. I just love her so much." Miss M (almost 4) will repeatedly sing to her and coo at her and even at times overly love her to the point I have to separate them. This precious babe is everything I could have ever wished for in a third and final child. She is so happy, laid back and beautiful. She smiles at everyone and everything, loves her sisters and daddy almroeady so much, and has a "go with the flow" kind of personality. There is one strange thing that has been going on with her. Shortly after she was born I noticed this strange barking cough....

The surgery to deliver Carlie Grace was scheduled for Thursday, May 17 at 12:30 pm. I was not a happy camper about this time, seeing as how I could have nothing to eat or drink since midnight the night before. That’s not so bad if your surgery is at 7 in the morning, but noon? On the way to the hospital, I realized that I just didn’t like the name we had picked. So, we changed it. I thought naming Miss M two days before she was born was bad, but this baby was named on the way to the hospital! We arrived at the hospital two hours before the surgery as requested, only to be informed that an emergency c-section had delayed our surgery time by a couple of hours. We were ushered into this huge room to wait. The room, which was actually larger than the surgery room, had a bed and IV supplies in one corner, a closet in the other corner for other supplies, and in the third corner was a toilet. The toilet was not in a separate room. No, it was simply separated from the rest of t...

Today, I had my last prenatal appointment with my wonderful doctor. It was short and sweet. Baby didn't pass the NST but she passed the long ultrasound so no worries. She's head down, contractions have begun, and she could come any time between now and my scheduled surgery Thursday. I am feeling a tad emotional. This has been a very long, drawn out process. I am so grateful that none of the horrible complications that she was watching for happened. Sometimes, I feel a little foolish for being worried now that we are "done" (although there is still a risk of developing HELLPS or Pre-eclampsia in me after delivery), but when you have been down that path before, it is hard not to remember everything when similar things start happening. Baby is almost here. I am almost ready to hold her in my arms. I have been longing for this day since November of 2010 when we said goodbye to our last baby so suddenly and so unnaturally. There have been so many emotional ups and down...

Dear Baby, We are so ready to meet you! In just a few short days, you will be here. You have a family waiting to greet you with open arms, a daddy ready for you to wrap around his little finger, and two big sisters who are waiting to teach you all about fancy shoes, princesses, and ponies. Most of all, you have a mommy who cannot wait to hold you. I have been waiting for this day for two long years, ever since your little brother or sister was taken from me so unexpectedly. You are loved, you are wanted, you are treasured, and you are not even here yet. I am ready to breathe that sigh of relief when you are finally here, safe and sound, and complications are no longer a concern. The doctor says you have a lot of hair. You look chubby in your pictures. I envision you look like your big sister Miss M, more so than Miss N. Will you have brilliant blue eyes like M, piercing, thoughtful gray-blue eyes like N, or green eyes like your momma? Will the name we have chosen for you fit? I...

Here it is. My last pregnancy update. I don't think I will make one next week with baby coming the day after. It's been a long, somewhat eventful pregnancy, and I cannot wait to meet this new little princess! I also cannot believe that she will be here NEXT WEEK! A week from tomorrow. At this point, all of the extra testing just seems silly, but I suppose it is worthwhile to ensure we are not missing something obvious at the very tail end of this process.  How far along? 38 weeks! Maternity clothes? Yes, and frankly, none of them fit. Miss N told me yesterday, "Um, mom, I think you need to get some longer shirts." Baby has dropped and it's hard to cover the belly up! Sleep: Not too shabby. Best moment this week: Spending the morning with my sad baby girl. She is much better now! And my bp did not spike. Movement: Steady and strong. Milestones: I think she is finally head down and planning to stay that way. Gender: Girl Labor Signs: Nothing ...

So, if you read my last update post, then you know that i have been put on modified bed rest, if you will. Basically, I am supposed to sit as much as possible, no grocery shopping, chores, etc. I can still leave the house, if need be, to go to church or pick up the kids from school, but that's it. This is hard. I  am not tallented enough to parent from the couch. My kids are not yet self sufficient enough to get much of what they need for themselves. So, this arrangement has forced me to find care options for them. And one of them is having a VERY hard time with it all. Yesterday, I had to go in to the hospital because I had a very high spike in BP. My in-laws came and got the girls and took them to church, and I was explaining what was happening. Miss M, my younger one, started sobbing. She just wants mommy. She just wants her normal routine. I buckled in my baby sobbing her head off, you know, the big chocking sobs. It was so hard. Then, this morning I was explaining the...

How far along? 36 weeks! Maternity clothes? Do you really have to ask? Sleep: Not too shabby. Best moment this week: Finding out my 24 hour test got better? I guess that means that all the complications are not making me ill. Oh, and getting a new gig that I think will be really good for the post-baby period when my schedule will be up in the air. Movement: Steady and strong. Milestones: All major organ work is done. Now she's just gaining weight. Gender: Girl Labor Signs: Contractions have actually slowed down. What I miss: Not getting told how huge I am by complete strangers. What I am looking forward to: Um, I guess my next appointment. I keep hoping she will decide we are in a safe enough zone and say let's have a baby :) Weekly Wisdom: I got nothing. Complications Update : So, they changed my medication dose, but it didn't have much of an effect. I am still spiking quite a bit later in the day. So, I am now on mostly bed rest. It's no...

How far along? 35 weeks! Maternity clothes? Yep! I had to try on four shirts this morning before I found one that would cover my bump with the capris I am wearing. Sigh. Sleep: Working too much. Best moment this week: When my doctor hinted we might not make it until May 17. Let's face it, the last month of pregnancy is not comfy. I wouldn't mind having this baby a couple of weeks early. Also, the way Miss M's face lit up when she thought I said the baby was coming out. She really, really wants to meet her baby sister. Movement: Remember how I said she wasn't moving as much. Yeah, well, she got over that. She was moving so much during my last NST that they had to keep repositioning the sensor and I had to wait forever before they got the reading they needed. Milestones: All major organ work is done. Now she's just gaining weight. Gender: Girl Labor Signs: Lots and lots of contractions, but not too uncomfortable. What I miss: Energy What I am looking forward...