Harms Family News

I realize I promised a series on emotional abuse, and then sort of stopped. Life got busy, and honestly I was having trouble putting my thoughts into words. I do want to finish it, even if no one is reading, so here are a few thoughts. If you are new to this discussion, start with the first post here and the second post here . I am realizing that healing after emotional abuse is not easy. I have said a few times since this has been brought to my attention that I honestly think emotional abuse is more damaging, or at least equally damaging, as physical. I think more because the physical abuse we readily admit is wrong. Deep down many abused women may think they are provoking the abuse, but they likely know that hitting, etc. is wrong. Emotional abuse, on the other hand, is more subtle and less obvious. Because of the deep scars that emotional abuse causes, healing is not easy. I think many assume, “Good, she is away from her abuser, she is fine now.” This is NOT true. In talking with t...

Do you think abuse is obvious? Do you think you would know if your close friend or relative was regularly being abused? I did, and boy was I wrong! In my continuing desire to open our eyes to verbal abuse (if you are late to the discussion, click here for the first post), I want to briefly blog about some of the signs I saw. I am keeping this vague to protect the privacy of those I love, and also remember that I am drawing from two situations. Here are some signs I as an outsider saw, and sadly did not recognize: Unnatural desire to do what husband wants – As wives we want to please our husbands. However, when that desire becomes too strong or the wife does something she would normally never do or feels is wrong, there may be an underlying cause. In this case, she often seems uneasy or frantic when he asks her to do something because if she is not fast enough or does not do it correctly he will get angry with her. Change physical features for husband – Not "because he thought ...

If you are new to this discussion, please visit these posts: Healing After Emotional Abuse , Signs of Abuse , and The Pain of Words . I haven't posted on emotional abuse in a while, well, because I have been caught up in caring for my growing/ill children, going on vacation, and such. I have been thinking on one thing about the topic though. Recently when talking to my friend, she said, "Yes xyz (a topic we were discussing) hurts, but I am moving forward." Later I was thinking to myself, Well, it's good that she is ready to move on, then I realized that was not what she was saying. there is a huge difference between moving on and moving forward. She is still working towards reconciliation with her spouse, but she is not going to sit on her duff and do nothing while she waits for him to step up. If you have been abused or know someone who has, there may not be a "moving on." The scars that were created, the hurt that occurred , and the void left in the life...